Recovery is not easy. It is not simply a matter of looking at the past and exposing old wounds.
Although that may be a part of your healing journey, it is not the main goal or purpose of recovery.
The purpose, or goal of recovery is to identify those areas in our lives that aren't working for us
anymore, that bring pain to us and others, and keep us from living in freedom and the victory as God intended us
to live. We have coping mechanisms that may have worked for us as a child, and back then may have been the only
option open to us. We may be left with an inability to love, trust, manage emotions, and a host of other effects
that can hinder, or even paralyze us in relationships, and life in general. Changing our unhealthy thinking and
behavior and gaining the skills to make those changes are a big part of the process.
Listed here are some dysfunctional behaviors and issues that often come up and need to be dealt with.
The Process of Dealing with Dysfunctional Behaviors
- Identify bad behavior or ineffective and destructive coping mechanisms
- Identify the old tapes (lies) that keep playing in your mind that have created your truth
- I'll never amount to anything!
- I'm stupid!
- No one could love me!
- Replace the lies with the 'real' truth using God's word as your plumb-line
- I'm a person of value!
- I'm not stupid! Look I finished High School with good grades!
- God loves me, my children love me! Not everyone will love me and that's okay! I don't love everyone either!
- Take responsibility for choices and actions
- What you do as an adult is your responsibility…can't blame anyone else
- You and only you are responsible for the choices you make and you're actions
- Build healthy relationships - give and take instead of all give or all take
- Make necessary changes in life
- Get out of, or get help for abusive relationships
- Set attainable goals and set out to meet those goals
- Develop a support system
- Further your education if needed, get further training in your field to better your circumstances, etc.
- Quit hiding - become real
- Share your feelings, beliefs, dreams,e tc., with others
- Say what you mean, mean what you say
- Overcome addictions
- Identify all of them...when you stop one, another can take it's place
- Get to the root of the problem...an addiction is a symptom of some deeper problem or unmet need
- Replace the addiction with something healthy and good. When you discover the root of the addiction,
you can replace it with whatever will truly meet that need (i.e., food may be a substitute for emotional intimacy)
- Don't give up if you slip up
- Seek a support group of people who have the same struggles and find a sponsor within that group
- Remember to take it one day at a time, even one moment at a time
- Face your fears
- Bring intimacy into relationships
- Bring your life under God's control
- Learn to trust discriminately
- Set appropriate boundaries
- Learn to control emotions instead of letting them control you
- Allow others to be self and be free…able to accept and love unconditionally
A healthy person is one who establishes relationships with other healthy people…has freedom
to share feelings, thoughts, opinions…doesn't need to 'pretend' or 'hide' the true self. ..is
comfortable with who they are and can and does accept others where they are.